Looking into those big brown eyes, feelings of nostalgia bubble up, remembering being fearless and confident.
I could do this!
In my youth, I used to help my mom with untouched long yearlings and two-year-olds, gaining their trust, gentling them and starting them under saddle; my mom said we bounced better than her.
So, I dared believe I could continue Ace's training after he was started. My self-confidence was growing, and I hoped I still "had what it takes" after having my first baby.
When I started working with Ace, however, my confidence crumbled. He was very reactive and headstrong, and soon, I doubted everything.
"Who am I to do this after having a baby? Maybe I don't have what it takes. I'm so scared! When did I become such a chicken?"
I felt like a failure.
I soon found out I was pregnant again with my second daughter and knew I had to call it quits… my fear became too much to handle as I constantly worried about hurting my baby after I was once knocked to the ground.
He went to additional training, and I started researching how to be a better horse trainer so I would be better prepared when he came home.
Ironically, I soon discovered I was a massive part of the problem. I learned that all the inner chaos I felt was the biggest obstacle I needed to overcome.
This was the start of my life turning upside down and inside out.
Horses have the unique ability to see deep into our souls and all of our potential, and then they call us out.
Ace demanded more of me, and I was finally ready to step inward to try and become the leader he deserved.
Ace reminded me of what it was like as a teenager working with horses: my mind was quiet, and I could wait hours until the horse was ready to touch. My ego was nonexistent; there was nothing to prove to anyone. I was focused on building a relationship, not checking off a training to-do list. I was present-minded, and I believed in fairytale magical equine connections.
My horse asked me to come back and embrace a child-like sense of wonder and curiosity. He showed me just how much magic there is in the world if I slow down and accept it.
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